The Best Hash Ever, or So I’ve Heard

When a hasher sets a trail for the first time, it has the potential for being a monumental occasion.  So when your humble scribe was on tap to set the run for this week, there was a virtual current of… electricity running through the hash community.  So when Monday evening came around, once all were gathered and ready for the hash, it was announced that this would be a live run and that if anyone was able to catch the hare, Mathew (aka. me), than the first round at the On-In would be on the hare’s tab (the hare did not have the cash to back this up, which is a great inspiration for speed).  I had taken a ten-minute head start on the live trail so that I would have a fighting chance of staying ahead of the pack and thus I cannot report on the actual running of the trail beyond what I’ve been told.

            As for the trail itself, it began at the Goodman’s Bay Corporate Center and proceeded west along Bay Street where after two check-ins, the trail cut over into the neighborhood running across the street.  There the first box waited with the number 7 inside, and it has been told that some people waited for the requisite seven hashers t arrive and some did not, spurred on by the thought of free beer.  For shame, eager hashers, for shame.  At this point in the setting of the trail, there were still no signs of the impending pack nor any sounds of them calling along the path.  The hare breathed easy, though panting from pack-inspired fear.

            The trail continued and after some more pedestrian check-ins, there was a backcheck and a bit of looping to the path so that a line of vision was created where the pack could see ahead and, unfortunate hare, they caught me in the act of laying the trail so that the cheating/thirsty/ambitious hashers of the group could abandon the set trail and make a line for the scared hare.  Duplicitous children who were planted to set the pack on the wrong trail but instead betrayed the hare were encountered a minute later and warned that the pack was closing in close behind.  The clever hare, realizing that capture and a $70 bar tab were impending, pulled out the one tool available and laid it down as quickly as possible: the second box (again with a 7 inside, to remain fair).  Breathing somewhat easier, I set one more check-in but as I came back from setting the falsie, there was a man fast approaching, the lone man who would catch me, coming just past the box (I didn’t know his name at the time [one of Richard’s perma-visitors], and I’ve since learned it and forgotten it again.  Sorry, I’m really, really bad with names.  Seriously, it’s not just you, there are people I met at the hash the first day I showed up in January whose names I do not know today… sad).  So long money in and not in my wallet! 

We jogged a few minutes together, I set the On-In mark with Dave Wilkins closing fast behind, and as we made our way back, this hare made the realization that this hasher was the only one who had come through “7” box and upon light interrogation, it was discovered that he had not stopped at the box and thus the capture of the hare was invalidated.  Welcome back tenants of my wallet!  The mistake was admitted freely and we returned to the Corporate Center where there was some heated debate as to the validity of skipping boxes in the name of free beer – it was decided the I should simply buy a beer for the sole hasher who barreled through the last box and caught this hare.

As for the reception to the Best Hash Ever, the judging ultimately proved to be a marginal thumbs down, though the scribe could not help but think this was just for show – deep inside all loved the live trail!  Because of this thumbs down voting, I was sent down on one knee after having two down-downs and surrounded by the four people who had received the worst of the poison wood from Frank’s run the week before, who were instructed to either drink their beers or pour them upon yours truly.  Thankfully, most of the beer was consumed and only a small amount came down upon me.  After this and the usual round of down-downs, we made our way to the On-In, which was Cricket Club.

And remember, if anyone asks: Best Hash Ever.